What Not To Wear

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By Kitty Von Quim
If someone tells you that they're absolutely in love with their body a hundred percent of the time, they are more than likely lying. My relationship with my physique in 2012, after nearly five years of dancing with Rubenesque Burlesque, is so far away from what it was before I joined the troupe.

Somewhere in my early teens I continued my family's legacy of being a fat kid. I strived to be an unexplained gainer of weight, and never ate publicly, while I scarfed down two or three meals worth of food after school. As instructed by my family, I always cleaned my plate of any of their delicious Cajun home-cooking. I was never encouraged to be active: recently I heard my mother didn't sign me up for dance class because she thought I would become a whore. By the time I could take my own action, someone had already told me I was fat. No one wanted to see me dance. No one wanted to see me run, jump, skip, do cartwheels.

Post-college, I moved from Louisiana to California. When I walked through the streets of San Francisco, I could see nothing but slim, fit people. There was no easy access to plus size clothing! Wouldn't life be easier not being fat? I started working with a trainer to lose weight, and I did lose a little bit. My mother and my grandmother saw me and exclaimed how much prettier I was when I wasn't hiding behind all of my chub. I made plans for all of things I would do and wear when I was thin! So when the weight returned – I inevitably lapsed my gym membership – I knew that I was getting uglier and uglier.

Now, I never was mopey about my weight, or talked down about my body. In regards to my fat I maintained a Southern attitude: we didn't talk about it. My struggles with my body were only confronted in dressing rooms as I went the next size up in pants. My wardrobe was solidly the color black, no horizontal stripes, and no jeans were skinny (because, duh, I wasn't).

I met Rubenesque Burlesque after they had performed. I was bold enough to tell them how fabulous they were and Juicy D. Light told me that I should come and play. Suddenly that was my permission to do everything I had always wanted to do, and thought no one wanted to see. One person opened the door for me, and I walked through it. One person wanting to see me perform meant I could dance as much as I wanted. I could wear all of the fabulous clothes and colors and horizontal stripes I wanted! I could strip as much as I wanted!

That one person led to audiences of people screaming for me as I took off each article of clothing: with each one, they wanted more, and I definitely have more to show. This permission nurtured the love I had buried all along, and now I'm happy to dance for myself and share it with others. Time moves too fast to wait until you're perfect: for now, have fun inside the body you have.
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Kitty Von Quim having unadulterated wicked awesome fun inside the body she has
 


Comments

Sylina
08/27/2012 12:29pm

I wish I had half the guts you have got. Well done for not hiding.

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Martha Linn
08/27/2012 12:57pm

You are beautiful!

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08/27/2012 1:41pm

I love how happy you look, just being yourself. You also look good. I agree with what you say about most people not being entirely happy with our bodies... freedom from having to constantly think about your body means freedom to feel good. I guess one of the things I don't like about how people act about fatness is that pressure to always think about (my) body. I am not a body. I am still me fat or thin.

"Time moves too fast to wait until you're perfect: for now, have fun inside the body you have." - Kitty Von Quim

Words to live by. I'm definitely quoting you.

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08/27/2012 2:01pm

This is so awesome. I encourage people to tell their love stories with their body, what their personal journey has been, on a path to loving their body more. And, what a wonderful love story you have, Kitty. Big big love to you! ♥

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Barbara LeBlanc (Lori's Sid)
08/27/2012 2:50pm

So happy for you - doing what you have always wanted to do. Shame on anyone who held you back with their narrow-mindedness. Have fun always

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